Wisconsin to allow rape victims 2-for-1 coupons at area businesses! (On Wisconsin)

Well, not really, but that's the practical effect of the two "initiatives" unveiled this week by J.B. "Van" Hollen's "Department of Justice" in Wisconsin.

On Monday, the Wisconsin Department of Transferring Crimefighting Money To Walker Supporters Justice announced that it was cutting grants to sexual assault victims services by nearly half -- 42.5% -- blaming the cuts on falling revenues. But the revenues they blamed, criminal surcharges, did not fall by 42.5% or even close to it, so the Do[TCMTWS]J is putting the brunt of (completely unnecessary) funding cuts on sexual assault victims.

What's not being cut? Ties to businesses: This week, too, the offices of "Attorney" General "Van" Hollen -- who, remember, campaigned on a platform of ousting terrorist training camps from Wisconsin, and, like the man who uses a banana in his ear to keep crocodiles from attacking, has been wildly successful in that -- announced that they'll implement a new (boondoggle) crime awareness network.

Although the DOTCMTWSJ press release seems primarily to say the program will help businesses identify crimes that affect them (like counterfeiting or retrieving stolen property, it also says:

In a recent theft case at a Chippewa Falls hospital, an alert went out with surveillance photos of the suspects and within a half-hour, local police were receiving tips about the identity of the main suspect, who was later arrested.

but doesn't provide details. A google search for "Chippewa Falls hospital theft" turned up no reports of anything like that, but I'm sure it was a real thing and all.

And, the "Van" Hollen release (suspiciously light on news of how this will fight terrorism) also says that a Minnesota version of this program for helping return some missing children.

But in testimony to support the bill creating the program, "Van" Hollen talked about thefts from businesses, including scrap metal and pharmacy thefts, and mentioned no crimes against individuals. (See here for a news release: http://legis.wisconsin.gov/lc/comtmats/old/09files/ab0785_20100318130646.pdf.)

Nice to see that Wisconsin has shifted its priorities, from fighting terrorism and/or helping sexual assault victims to making sure J.B. "Van" Hollen has a reason to go to local businesses. That ought to make you feel a little better, rape victims -- J.B. "Van" Hollen isn't just sitting around his offices, he's out fighting crime at places like Middleton Ford, helping ensure that the public understand that Wisconsin's government is owned by businesses.

Did I get that slogan right?